Making nice
So, I pretty much got reamed out today at work for being overly pushy, and it made me want to kick and scream and throw stuff, and it put a big knot in my stomach to think that I'm being perceived negatively, even by someone who's pretty much just exercising petty tyranny. So I whined about it to two different people, explaining why I needed to be pushy, how much I hate being pushy, how important something really has to be for me actually to be pushy, and how offended I was at the implication that not only was I being pushy, but that I am pushy.
One of my sounding boards listened sympathetically and told me to blow it off, because that's just how this person is, and there's nothing I can do about it, and I should just let it go. And my second sounding board told me I should buy the offender/offended some chocolate as a peace offering, because I need to make nice and be on her good side moving forward.
I thought the chocolate would be going overboard, particularly because this person is certainly savvy enough to recognize a bribe a mile away, and likely to hate me even more for so blatantly trying to get back on her good side. But I took the spirit of that advice, and sent an apologetic email (resisting, mostly, the urge to plead my case and explain why I was right and she was wrong). And even though it seems like the right thing to have done -- I got a prompt reply saying it was all good -- I felt sort of icky sending it, because it was a teensy bit disingenuous. I still struggle a little with office politics, and the need to work the system and do what's needed to get along or get ahead.
I think I struggle for a couple of reasons. First, it's some resentment that not everyone can just do their job and act like grown-ups and treat everyone with some modicum of respect. And it seems wrong that those of us who play by the rules should have to bend over backwards to accommodate those who didn't quite learn anything in kindergarten. And, second -- and this was the one nagging at the back of my head today -- is a conversation I had when I got my new job within my organization, about six months ago. The conversation during which one of my co-workers suggested that I got promoted primarily because I play the game and I'd sold out, which she refuses to do, because she has too much integrity.
Which left me sort of speechless at the time, and I sort of wrote it off as sour grapes, but on some level, I am mindful of that. I don't think it's true, or fair. Yes, I've aligned myself with many of the right people at work; I'm friendly to and with people who are influential, but that's not actually by design. I just happen to like a lot of those people. So, when confronted today with the notion of getting on someone's good side simply because of what she can do for me, it felt all wrong.
But, still, the right thing to do. Maybe I'm selling out, and maybe I'm compromising my principles, but it seems like it's not the worst thing in the world to make nice for the sake of greater peace and harmony in the workplace.
One of my sounding boards listened sympathetically and told me to blow it off, because that's just how this person is, and there's nothing I can do about it, and I should just let it go. And my second sounding board told me I should buy the offender/offended some chocolate as a peace offering, because I need to make nice and be on her good side moving forward.
I thought the chocolate would be going overboard, particularly because this person is certainly savvy enough to recognize a bribe a mile away, and likely to hate me even more for so blatantly trying to get back on her good side. But I took the spirit of that advice, and sent an apologetic email (resisting, mostly, the urge to plead my case and explain why I was right and she was wrong). And even though it seems like the right thing to have done -- I got a prompt reply saying it was all good -- I felt sort of icky sending it, because it was a teensy bit disingenuous. I still struggle a little with office politics, and the need to work the system and do what's needed to get along or get ahead.
I think I struggle for a couple of reasons. First, it's some resentment that not everyone can just do their job and act like grown-ups and treat everyone with some modicum of respect. And it seems wrong that those of us who play by the rules should have to bend over backwards to accommodate those who didn't quite learn anything in kindergarten. And, second -- and this was the one nagging at the back of my head today -- is a conversation I had when I got my new job within my organization, about six months ago. The conversation during which one of my co-workers suggested that I got promoted primarily because I play the game and I'd sold out, which she refuses to do, because she has too much integrity.
Which left me sort of speechless at the time, and I sort of wrote it off as sour grapes, but on some level, I am mindful of that. I don't think it's true, or fair. Yes, I've aligned myself with many of the right people at work; I'm friendly to and with people who are influential, but that's not actually by design. I just happen to like a lot of those people. So, when confronted today with the notion of getting on someone's good side simply because of what she can do for me, it felt all wrong.
But, still, the right thing to do. Maybe I'm selling out, and maybe I'm compromising my principles, but it seems like it's not the worst thing in the world to make nice for the sake of greater peace and harmony in the workplace.
3 Comments:
Ahh, office politics....the more time I spend in the workforce, the more I realize that it doesn't really matter. Cause everyone has a different persepective and if you try to always understand everyone else's you'll go crazy and never have any of your own chutzpah. So be nice and respectful to all, but there's always going to be some people who don't like you, or your decisions, or who you're friends with because of a million reasons - and that doesn't make you (or them) bad, or wrong, just different so enjoy whatever you enjoy and say phtbbbbttt to those who make you feel bad!
By
mickeyg, at 7:49 PM
What's next, make a mainstream album that goes multi-platinum and forget about your "real" fans??
You pushed someone and either got or did not get your desired result. If you did, then you should push the next time. If you didn't get the result, then clearly pushing this person isn't the right tactic.
In the end, its not what methods you use as much as the result you hope to achieve. Just understand you cannot approach each problem the same way.
Also, you did the right thing by making peace.
By
Anonymous, at 3:19 PM
i could never imagine you being really pushy. assertive, but not pushy.
in any case, i'm also learning a bit about the office politics these days, and the truth of the matter is that everyone will do what they think is right in order to get what they think they should have. if someone doesn't like what you've done, it's probably because you are interfering with their plans.
as far as selling out goes...well, everyone makes compromises to get what they want. for me, it's a compromise to leave my house before 10 am, since i'd rather be sleeping, but i do it since it is required for what i want to do. it's not like you pluck the eyelashes of your young to get ahead. (do you?)
By
m, at 2:22 PM
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