What is that thing called?!

I have been intermittently obsessed with something for the last few weeks: what the heck is that little toy called that looks a little bit like a dolly that movers use, only it has a more contoured seat and little handles so kids (or, I guess, grown-ups) can steer it around? I remember seeing the commercials for this...thing...when I was a kid and wanting one desperately, and one of my co-workers showed me pictures of his daughter riding on one at Dutch Wonderland or Hershey Park or something, but he didn't know what it's called, either.

Anyone? Anyone? Am I even describing it well enough for you to have any idea what I'm talking about?

Emmy Observations

I get completely sucked in by Hollywood awards shows, and even though I think I like the Golden Globes and the Oscars better, I was very excited about the Emmys last night. Of course, I fell asleep somewhere after Barry Manilow's win and the Aaron Spelling tribute. The Smelmooo taped the rest, so I may watch the rest of the show tonight and have additional reactions at a later date, but in the meantime, here are my random observations, mostly from the Red Carpet, because no one has much chance to say anything when they win (at least in the early categories):

-- First, I understand that it was hot, hot, HOT on the Red Carpet, so I'll try to be forgiving about stars who seemed especially cranky as they were getting ready to walk in (yeah, YOU, Julia Louis-Dreyfus). I can't imagine how hot the men were in their tuxes, and it makes me want to be a teeeeeensy less critical of Jeremy Piven and his rumpled, sloppy ascot. But he's not altogether off the hook.

-- I mostly like Kyra Sedgwick, and I have been enjoying The Closer, and I liked the color of her dress, but the top of it just looked way too big for her. This was my biggest issue of the evening, the way women's dresses were fitting up top.

-- Like Jenna Fischer's. I like Jenna Fischer a lot, and I thought her make-up and jewelry were lovely, but her dress fit so badly on top, and the color just washed her right out. Also true, I thought, of Katherine Heigl, about whom everyone on E! was just gushing -- but I thought she looked sort of washed out, and her make-up didn't seem to work, and her breasts needed some more support. It was a lovely dress, yes, but I thought she didn't quite pull it off.

-- I am always surprised when I see Annette Bening and Warren Beatty together that they are both so darned beady-eyed. Do they have kids together? I can't remember, but if so, I'll bet those are some squinty kids.

-- Could Heidi Klum be any more freakin' gorgeous? Tyra looked lovely, as well, but I think Heidi won, hands down.

-- I don't love Ellen Pompeo anyway, but I do generally think she's an attractive woman. But when I first saw her last night, I said with absolute sincerity, "Oh my GOD! Is that Toastee from Flavor of Love at the Emmys?!"

-- Likewise, I didn't recognize Jean Smart; I for some reason thought she was Kim Catrall getting out of her limo, and I couldn't believe how rough she looked, or how big her hair was. Maybe she was trying to channel her Designing Women era? I loved, loved, loved her as Martha on 24 last season, but she was really not at her best last night (but again, I'm going to blame the heat for that one).

-- I'm always surprised that I like Sarah Chalke when I hear her interviewed, because I always find her acting -- or maybe just her characters? -- sort of annoying.

-- I am clearly a 12-year-old boy, because I died laughing at the opening montage segment where Conan's online pedophile username is revealed as "Conebone69."

-- I can't believe that neither Jaime Pressley nor Elizabeth Perkins won supporting actress. I'm so bored by Megan Mulally (although I'm consistently surprised by her actual speaking voice).

-- I love Jeremy Piven (except for the damn ascot, and I kind of think he might be getting a big head, which might be even worse now that he's won, but I still like him, for now), but I was bummed that Will Arnett didn't win for Arrested Development. The Piv will have more opportunities as Ari, but Gob has already gone to the big banana stand in the sky.

Creative thinking

I know I'm a big nerd for getting so excited about this kind of stuff, but I thought this story I heard last night on NPR was so cool:

There's a company in Nova Scotia that sells lobsters that people take home with them on their return flights home, but the lobsters are packed with gel ice packs that are a no-no under the new security regulations. So now, instead, they're packing the lobsters with frozen vegetables, which are working equally well.

I just think that's so clever. As was the listener e-mail on the same show suggesting that, rather than Dwarf Planets, Pluto and its comrades should be considered Planettes, which I think is awesome.

My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine....what? No more "Pizza"?

So, it's now official: Pluto is no longer a planet.

I was totally fascinated by a New Yorker piece a few weeks ago on defining planets and finding new planets, and how there might be more than nine, and it wasn't clear how or whether Pluto fit in there. Even if there were 12, Pluto still might not make the cut. And now, it seems, it does not, but now I'm not sure where those other maybe-planets stand.

And what will the new mnemonic device be for elementary school students learning all the planets in order?

Yawn

I decided on Sunday that I've been drinking entirely too much caffeine recently, and that it's time to cut back. I have this revelation every six months or so; last time, I tried to quit cold turkey, and it was not pretty. So I thought, quite reasonably, that if I stuck to one giant Diet Coke (my big turquoise cup at work fits a little more than two cans' worth) with my morning bagel, and had water the rest of the day, it'd be a nice compromise.

Monday went fine, and I pretty much stuck to the plan, although I cheated a little and swigged some soda from the bottle in the fridge when I got home. Yesterday, I had lots of meetings and knew that I needed to have two full cups. The Smelmooo kept me honest at home, refusing to share his glass of soda with me last night. Today, I've stuck to my one big cup so far, but I'm dragging, and I'm headachy, and I'm cranky. (And, on an unrelated note, I reek of curry. Minnams and I took a co-worker out to lunch at the Noodle House for his birthday, and it was really yummy, but I cannot get rid of the curry smell.)

I suppose there are worse addictions to have (although one of my colleagues helpfully pointed out yesterday that if I don't knock it off with the Diet Coke, I'll surely develop breast cancer and die), and tons of these withdrawal symptoms are, I'm sure, psychological, but this is really not fun. And I'm no fun to be around. So, for the sake of my colleagues and my loved ones, I should just give in and get myself a refill, just so I'm more tolerable, right?

RIGHT?!

Maybe the one-cup-a-day rule will be my autumnal resolution, instead.

Another reason I love my mom

I just adore my mother, who holds permanent grudges against anyone who's ever done me wrong and who thinks I'm the bees' knees, whether it's merited or not. And it's the stuff in this latter bucket that sometimes just cracks me up.

We were on the phone yesterday, trying to firm up plans for a mother/daughter trip to NYC in a couple of weeks, and as we were hanging up, our conversation went like this:

Mom: Oh, hey, you know how your dad's on the board of ABC Organization?

TW: Oh, yeah, I saw that they're looking for a new executive director. I meant to ask; what's up with that?

M: Oh, well, the old person is stepping down -- it's a planned thing -- but I think you should go for the job.

TW: What? Mom, it's an executive director job, and I have no experience in that field.

M: Well, you're at least as smart and capable as this person who's leaving, and anyone else they'd bring in, so I think you should just throw your hat in the ring.

TW: Mom, ignoring the fact that it reeks of nepotism...

M: Well, I talked to your dad about it, actually, and he thought maybe you didn't have enough fundraising experience for the job.

TW: Mom, I have NO fundraising experience. At all.

M: Oh, yeah, I guess not. But you're so smart, and you have such a good work ethic, and really, you'd be at least as good as this person who's leaving.

TW: Mom. NO fundraising experience.

M: Oh, well. Okay. I just thought I'd mention it. I guess not, huh?


I don't think that my mom's just blowing smoke here; I think that she really believes that I can do anything, and that it doesn't matter if I have actual experience; I'm automatically qualified for pretty much any position, simply because I'm smart and have a good work ethic. It's the same as her insistence, even today, that none of her kids ever went through an awkward stage: totally delusional, but coming from such a lovely, sincere place that we just have to roll with it a little and then try to bring her back to reality with photographic evidence of us at ages 9-15. Or, in this case, firm insistence that, although we are lovely people with qualities that make us attractive candidates generally, we do not have the skills or experience to perform every job well.

But I like that my mom chooses to believe otherwise, because her kids can do anything, dammit.

Where'd you go?

So I've been getting a lot of flak about being MIA. I don't know; I just haven't been feelin' it lately, but the longer I put off writing, the greater the pressure to return with a masterpiece of an entry that'll make up for such a lengthy hiatus. So I'm just biting the bullet, and hoping it'll unleash something that at least gets me interested in writing again. So where've I been all this time?

In the Garden -- I'm like the Little Engine that Could. Everyone I knew who'd planted vegetables this spring was ass-deep in tomatoes, and I just had these towering plants that were yielding zip. But, finally, I found three tomatoes that the Smelmooo and I enjoyed enormously last night with dinner. I could hardly believe that I of the black thumb was able to grow something so yummy.

At the Amusement Park -- Minnams already covered this ages ago, but we had such a fun time at Great Adventure. I hadn't been there in about 10 years -- the last time I was there, the Batman ride was brand-spanking new, and there've been probably half a dozen new rides added since then. I was too chicken to go on Kingda Ka, but I loved El Torro and Nitro. I liked Medusa, but the harness really wreaked some havoc on my breasts (I imagine that's how a mammogram will feel, probably). I liked Superman okay; as Minnams pointed out, it's a very different kind of ride, and it was cool. I think if I went on it again, I'd want to be in the very front row, because the nifty thing about the ride is that feeling of "I'm flying!!!" Which is sort of undermined when you're looking at sneaker soles for 90% of the ride. But it was a beautiful, blue-sky day, with tons of good bad food and great company, and I hope it'll be an annual outing.

At the Racetrack -- we went on our annual outing to Saratoga a couple of weeks ago, and as usual had a great time, although we missed our friends who couldn't make it because they're expecting their first baby in a couple of weeks. So the guys toasted them with that disgusting spring water, and the ladies toasted them with the traditional "champoo" and we enjoyed a lovely day together. And then we hit PJ's Bar-b-q, which is too yummy for words, and topped off the evening with poker at our friend's parents' house. I sucked at poker -- I got knocked out relatively early, so some of the others spotted me so I could keep playing, and then I got knocked out again, which was just pathetic.

In Mystic, Connecticut -- the Smelmooo had a work event in Mystic right on the heels of the Saratoga trip, so we stopped at the Martin Van Buren house (he was the eighth president, for those of you who doubt) and then headed to Mystic, which reminded me a lot of New Hope, Pennsylvania. While the Smelmooo had meetings, I participated in the Spouses' Program, which involved a trip to a castle that might more accurately be called a cottage. It was cool-looking, but really, we drove more than an hour to get there, and you could not spend more than 20 minutes poking around the castle. So the bulk of the day was spent on the bus with the wives, who were mostly 30 years older than I am, and the ones of my generation all have a million babies. So there was a fair amount of, "So, do you have kids?" and then a big gaping silence when I said no, because that was really the point of commonality among most of these women. I try to sneak into the club by talking up my nieces and nephews, but most of them were having none of it, particularly when someone raised the question, "So, you didn't change your name when you got married, huh?" I might as well have been a zoo animal.

But I really enjoyed the ride home with the Smelmooo; even though we see a lot of each other and don't have kids, we still don't always get long stretches of time just to talk, so it felt good to catch up. I also enjoyed the many chocolate-covered treats (graham crackers, Oreos, pretzels) I purchased at Olde Mystic Village, but I did not enjoy the Quizno's bread bowl I had for lunch one day. Really, it's three times the price of a cup of soup, and the bread's not even that good, so it was a big thumbs-down.

Down the Shore -- the early-summer trip to the Outer Banks and the quickies to Saratoga and Mystic weren't cutting it, so we took a few much-needed days at the Jersey Shore to do a whole lot of nothing. Mission accomplished: I took lots of naps; we went to the movies (The Devil Wears Prada -- much better than the book, which I couldn't even finish); we lounged around on the beach; we played bocce ball and mini-golf (we each got a hole in one!); we took long walks; we read; we went out to eat (sadly, one of our favorite restaurants down there was closed, which we didn't discover until we'd walked all the way there); we drank wine and ate ice cream. The weather was gorgeous, and although the ocean was a little gunky -- lots of clear jellyfish, so just icky rather than dangerous -- we got in the water three days in a row, and it felt like heaven to be at the shore.

And now, back to the grind, although tons of people take off the last two weeks of August, so my fingers and toes are crossed that it'll slow down a bit and I can continue to enjoy what's left of the summer that's gone by way, way, way too quickly.

Splitting hairs

So I've been hearing a lot about this poll finding that women prefer plasma TVs to diamonds. And my first thought was that's insane, and no way would I want a plasma TV over diamond jewelry. But then I thought about it being all about how the question was worded.

I initially inferred that the question was, "What would you prefer to receive as a gift?" but I don't think it was worded that way (if anyone can find the actual survey instrument, please let me know, and I'll love you forever). And my answer would totally depend on how the question was asked. I would definitely prefer to buy myself a plasma TV than a diamond necklace; I might even prefer to have a plasma TV than to have a diamond necklace. But to receive as a gift from my spouse? Definitely diamonds.

This is the kind of stuff that drives the Smelmooo crazy about me, this not being able to answer a question without first asking half a dozen clarifying questions to address all of my "it depends..." scenarios.