Belated Mother's Day Wishes

I wrote recently about how I've bonded with my mom over being a good wife at social functions. But this weekend, as my dad, four siblings, husband, brother-in-law, two nieces and four nephews -- a decidedly ragtag, noisy bunch -- gathered on Sunday to celebrate Mother's Day brunch with Mom, I got to thinking about all of the other stuff I've learned from her, and inherited from her, and internalized from her.

My mother is truly wonderful; she's generous and wise, loving and lovely. She once tried to give another driver the finger, and ended up flashing the "I Love You" sign. That pretty much sums her up.

With apologies to Robert Fulghum, I do believe that All I Really Need to Know, I Learned from my Mom:

-- If a boy is "a little too smooth," it's best to keep your distance.

-- If you don't have opinions about things, you may as well be a tree.

-- Always keep a cushion of emergency money in your wallet and/or glove compartment.

-- Always keep a stash of homemade chocolate chip cookies in the freezer.

-- God had a good idea when He made a pineapple.

-- Brush your teeth, wash your hands and bring a jacket.

-- Call if you're going to be late.

-- Marry a man who has nice eyes and warm feet.

-- Watching the ocean is good for the soul.

-- It's good to have a pina coloda by the pool on vacation.

-- If you have a cold and you've used the phone, wipe off the receiver with a cloth sprayed with Fantastik; never spray the receiver directly.

-- Sometimes, you just have to let things go and say, "That's not my weed to pull."

-- You can mess with me, but if you mess with my family or friends, look out.

Happy Mother's Day, mom; I'm so glad you're not a tree.