Lonely, but super-amused

The Smelmooo is in Miami, and I was in D.C. all day, so we had to board Tucker while we're both gone. So now that I'm home, I'm feeling way weird. I hate it when the Smelmooo isn't home at night anyway, but generally I have Tucker for company, at least. I super-hate flying totally solo, and it turns me into a huge baby: I jump at every noise, I can't sleep, and if I drop food on the floor, I actually have to pick it up and throw it out rather than leave it to the canine garbage disposal.

So I was feeling a little cranky the second I walked into the dark, empty house, and immediately turned on the TV for company. I normally blow through Ellen's "wonderful world of web videos" on Wednesdays, but today I let them all play through, and I'm so glad I did, because I found this to be absolutely awesome.

I would never have done it myself, but I enjoy and admire this couple's gumption. Although I cannot get on board with a bride exposing that much cleavage. I know, I know: I'm no fun.

Ineptitude (mine)

I complain, a lot, about other people's ineptitude. In fact, I was just totally busted today at work as a colleague and I were bitching about another co-worker's shortcomings (I was SO POSITIVE that she had left for the day and that we didn't need to keep our voices down. Never assume.).

But once in a while, I'll admit to my own ineptitude. And in the last 24 hours, I've demonstrated plenty of it, not only in my failure to be discreet when engaging in office gossip, but also in my attempts to operate pretty much any type of machinery.

I had done a ton of prep work for the Smelmooo's birthday dinner on Sunday, so all I had to do when I got home from work last night was assemble and bake the chicken pot pie and make the raspberry sauce for the chocolate cake I baked on Sunday (from scratch!). All that the sauce required was to pulse raspberries, powdered sugar and cognac in the food processor, and then throw it on the cake. Done.

Except, after I poured all of the ingredients into the food processor, it would. not. work. I twisted it, disassembled its various parts, unplugged it and plugged it back in a dozen times. Nothing. And after literally 20 minutes, I called the Smelmooo over in desperation, resigned to the fact that I'd probably have to pour the mixture into a regular bowl and use a potato masher on it. And then, of course, the Smelmooo pointed out that I'd put the processor onto its base incorrectly, facing the wrong direction. He turned it around, and, wham! Done.

Tonight, the Smelmooo is out at a class, so I decided to catch up on Ugly Betty and Ellen. We normally tape Ugly Betty on the VCR in our office because our DVR is full at that time, but I was all bundled up on the couch and didn't feel like getting the tape from the office, so I tried to watch the latest episode online. Unsuccessfully, about six different times. I think somehow that the web folks at the networks are on a pseudo-strike, ensuring that the webisodes won't work until the writers are compensated for them.

I finally turned the TV on to watch the tape, and on the screen was a language menu -- highlighting "Francais" --that I could not get to disappear no matter how many buttons I pressed. I spent literally 10 minutes trying to figure it out, turning the TV on and off, pushing every single button, repeatedly. I finally had a flash of clarity that the menu wasn't related to the TV itself, but to the VCR, which had turned on when I pushed the tape in. But when I turned it off and turned it back on, the option had disappeared, so now all of the display text is en francais. Which is kind of fun. I like that it says "Arret" when I stop the tape.

And I like that it's been worth it so far to watch Ugly Betty, which includes a cameo by Monique in a funny exchange with Henry:

"Sugar, where you been all my life?"
"Uh...math camp."

And Wilhelmina saying, "Balls" when she's disappointed. Which is awesome, and what I need to start saying when I encounter my next gadget-inspired fit of frustration and rage.

I think I was just unintentionally racist

A few years ago, one of my colleagues went into a tailspin because she was worried she'd misused the word "linchpin" and that it somehow had a connection to lynching. Which it does not.

But I just was talking to another colleague, who asked why a particular call was scheduled with an outside group:

"Are they in trouble?"
"Not really...they've just sort of gone off the plantation, and we need to get them back in line."

What I meant to say was "off the reservation," but when I stumbled over "plantation" and thought about both of those phrases, I think probably both are rooted in some kind of racial or ethnic intolerance. I don't really know, and my colleague didn't seem offended by my idiocy generally, but I still feel as though I ought to excise both of those terms from my vocabulary.

Tagged by the Birfday Boy

My hubby likes it when I blog, and I like to make him happy, especially on his birthday. So, happy birfday, dear Smelmooo. Here's my response to your Ocho Tag (although it's weird to me that there are only seven categories. If I were Adrian Monk, I'd be super-freaking out):

8 passions in my life:
The Smelmooo
Ice cream
Family
Celebrity gossip
Tucker
Good grammar
Good hygiene
Long walks by the ocean


8 things to do before I die:
Visit Alaska
Visit Australia
Have diamond earrings
Spend a whole week without watching TV or movies (thank you, writers' strike!)
Have a beach house
Road trip across the country
Write something non-work-related that gets published somewhere other than the Internet
Go skydiving


8 things I often say:
Tucker, wanna go out?
Are you effing kidding me?!
Love you.
Good morning!
Oh, for GOD'S SAKE, will you DRIVE?!
I don't know. Let's think.
I'm sorry.
Goodbyyyyeeeeeee!


8 Books I read recently:
Eat, Pray, Love -- Elizabeth Gilbert
The Sea of Tears -- Noni Power
The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green -- Joshua Braff (Zach's brother, I found out!)
Kafka on the Shore -- Haruki Murakami
The Man of My Dreams -- Curtis Sittenfeld
The Post-Birthday World -- Lionel Shriver
Better -- Atul Gawande
Television Without Pity -- Sarah Bunting and Tara Ariano


8 songs that mean something to me:
Forever in Blue Jeans -- Neil Diamond
I'm Too Sexy -- Right Said Fred
Good Morning -- Steve Poltz
Send Me on My Way -- Rusted Root
I Will Survive -- Gloria Gaynor
If I Had $1,000,000 -- Barenaked Ladies
Feel Us Shakin' -- The Samples
When a Child is Born -- Kenny Rogers


8 Qualities I look for in a friend:
Tolerance
Sense of humor
Common sense
Intellectual curiosity
Kindness
Edginess
Dorkiness
Reliability

8 people who I'm passing this on to:
Slim pickin's, since I don't know too many people with blogs who haven't been tagged. So some of these people who I think read my blog and are tagged for the comments section if they don't have public blogs:

Shari on your MySpace
Mara on your blog that you actually update but that I haven't really read but now I will
Kelli
Leslie
Jenni
SZG
That person in Utah who reads my blog

I will leave it at seven.