A hole....a-hole!
A few months ago on The Soup, the hilarious Joel McHale made a joke about some celebrity (I'm thinking K-Fed, probably, although I don't remember for sure) wherein he (Joel) pointed to a round opening in some material and said, "A hole," and then pointed for comparison to a picture of the celebrity, saying, "A-hole!"
Which I'm betting does not translate so well to a blog entry, but it was hilarious when Joel did it; it's all in the delivery. Anyway, the Smelmooo and I have co-opted this bit and use it all the time.
Yesterday, we spent much of the afternoon with HYB and her hubby at the Shad Fest in Lambertville, which kind of sounded more fun than it was, I think, and we were hot and I was feeling claustrophobic, so we hit the road and met up at a big park and sat in the shady picnic area, which was surprisingly empty for a beautiful Sunday afternoon. We had brought a deck of cards, and ultimately settled on playing Asshole (A-hole!), the much-beloved drinking game. We weren't actually drinking, but we quickly figured out that Asshole is more fun without the drinking than Texas Hold 'Em is without the betting, so Asshole it was.
I played entirely too much of this game in college, and during my semester abroad, and the Smelmooo and I played it a few times with friends at the beach, but I hadn't played in a couple of years, I don't think. It's amazing how quickly it comes back.
Basically, the idea is that you deal out all the cards, and the objective is to be the first to get rid of all your cards by throwing out successively higher cards until no one else in the game can beat your card. So, three of clubs leads, and the next person has to put out a three or higher (and if it's a three, the next player's turn gets skipped), until no one else can go. Twos are the trump card; they immediately clear whatever's on the table. Once you've won a hand, you can lead with pairs or trips or quads. If you're skipped, either because you can't beat the card(s) on the table or because the two people before you each put down the same card, you have to drink. First person to get rid of all his/her cards becomes the President; last person left becomes the Asshole.
The Asshole is responsible for shuffling, dealing and clearing. Sometimes, the Asshole has to wear a silly hat. But, perhaps most importantly, he/she has to give the President his/her two highest cards -- in exchange for the Prez's two lowest cards -- at the start of each round (often, the VP and the Vice Asshole exchange one card), which makes it harder for the Asshole to move up to a better position.
The President is responsible for making whatever rules he/she deems appropriate, and enforcing them with a stern, "DRINK!" if players violate those rules. For example, many Presidents will enforce a rule that players cannot look at their cards until all cards are dealt and the President has picked up her/his hand. Sometimes, the President just commands players to drink if they're playing too well, or if they look at her funny, If there are duplicate cards on the table and the Prez gets skipped, s/he may order the two players before her to drink.
The Smelmooo insisted at the start of yesterday's game that he's a "benevolent dictator" whenever he's president, although I'm not altogether sure that I buy that. And I think that part of the reason I want so much to be President is simply because some people do go on such power trips when they're President, and it's more that I'd rather not have to deal with them than that I want to be President myself.
Either way, though, I know that I am in fact the opposite of a benevolent dictator if I'm playing with people I don't like, and even sometimes if I do like them. Ironic, eh, that when I'm the President, I'm really an Asshole?
When I spent a semester in England, we played Asshole all the time, each of us with a two-liter bottle of the cider they sold alongside the soda at the grocery store in town. And one time when I was president, I told this girl I absolutely hated that she had to drink for some reason or another, and she refused, so I told her she couldn't play anymore (if you're not gonna follow the rules, you can't play!), and she started to CRY, and she threatened to tell her dad -- who knew my dad -- that I was mean and forced her to drink and was a horrible person.
Which maybe I was. I really do start practicing my petty tyranny, I think, when I have a few drinks in me. I did have a nice reign as Prez yesterday, and I think I was fairly nice about it, although, again, no drinking involved, and with people I really like, so no need to be a jerk.
I think I was really repressed in college, and everything I held in just came tumbling out of me unchecked when I drank -- that's probably part of the reason I did drink, so I could get it out there and have some cover. My college friend Sarah always saw through that phenomenon (not so much with me, because I didn't have any beef with Sarah; my mantra with her when I was drunk was, "You're Sarah Smith, and you're AWESOME," for whatever reason), and she regularly noted that a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
I'm still a little repressed, and I'd probably have a whole lot to say if I got trashed and started playing drinking games at my office holiday party, but for the most part, I'm happy to be beyond that, to be comfortable with who I am and with my friends. Which is not to say I'm above throwing several cocktails back or acting like an idiot with my friends, but there's a different, less desperate vibe to it these days.
I think I'm fixated on this in part because I'm reading Pledged at Minnams's recommendation, following reading Prep, which reminded me more of my college experience than my high school days. And I think it was a really trying, stressful, painful time, and I'm glad to have it behind me, and that I'm somewhat less of an asshole today than I was back then.
Which I'm betting does not translate so well to a blog entry, but it was hilarious when Joel did it; it's all in the delivery. Anyway, the Smelmooo and I have co-opted this bit and use it all the time.
Yesterday, we spent much of the afternoon with HYB and her hubby at the Shad Fest in Lambertville, which kind of sounded more fun than it was, I think, and we were hot and I was feeling claustrophobic, so we hit the road and met up at a big park and sat in the shady picnic area, which was surprisingly empty for a beautiful Sunday afternoon. We had brought a deck of cards, and ultimately settled on playing Asshole (A-hole!), the much-beloved drinking game. We weren't actually drinking, but we quickly figured out that Asshole is more fun without the drinking than Texas Hold 'Em is without the betting, so Asshole it was.
I played entirely too much of this game in college, and during my semester abroad, and the Smelmooo and I played it a few times with friends at the beach, but I hadn't played in a couple of years, I don't think. It's amazing how quickly it comes back.
Basically, the idea is that you deal out all the cards, and the objective is to be the first to get rid of all your cards by throwing out successively higher cards until no one else in the game can beat your card. So, three of clubs leads, and the next person has to put out a three or higher (and if it's a three, the next player's turn gets skipped), until no one else can go. Twos are the trump card; they immediately clear whatever's on the table. Once you've won a hand, you can lead with pairs or trips or quads. If you're skipped, either because you can't beat the card(s) on the table or because the two people before you each put down the same card, you have to drink. First person to get rid of all his/her cards becomes the President; last person left becomes the Asshole.
The Asshole is responsible for shuffling, dealing and clearing. Sometimes, the Asshole has to wear a silly hat. But, perhaps most importantly, he/she has to give the President his/her two highest cards -- in exchange for the Prez's two lowest cards -- at the start of each round (often, the VP and the Vice Asshole exchange one card), which makes it harder for the Asshole to move up to a better position.
The President is responsible for making whatever rules he/she deems appropriate, and enforcing them with a stern, "DRINK!" if players violate those rules. For example, many Presidents will enforce a rule that players cannot look at their cards until all cards are dealt and the President has picked up her/his hand. Sometimes, the President just commands players to drink if they're playing too well, or if they look at her funny, If there are duplicate cards on the table and the Prez gets skipped, s/he may order the two players before her to drink.
The Smelmooo insisted at the start of yesterday's game that he's a "benevolent dictator" whenever he's president, although I'm not altogether sure that I buy that. And I think that part of the reason I want so much to be President is simply because some people do go on such power trips when they're President, and it's more that I'd rather not have to deal with them than that I want to be President myself.
Either way, though, I know that I am in fact the opposite of a benevolent dictator if I'm playing with people I don't like, and even sometimes if I do like them. Ironic, eh, that when I'm the President, I'm really an Asshole?
When I spent a semester in England, we played Asshole all the time, each of us with a two-liter bottle of the cider they sold alongside the soda at the grocery store in town. And one time when I was president, I told this girl I absolutely hated that she had to drink for some reason or another, and she refused, so I told her she couldn't play anymore (if you're not gonna follow the rules, you can't play!), and she started to CRY, and she threatened to tell her dad -- who knew my dad -- that I was mean and forced her to drink and was a horrible person.
Which maybe I was. I really do start practicing my petty tyranny, I think, when I have a few drinks in me. I did have a nice reign as Prez yesterday, and I think I was fairly nice about it, although, again, no drinking involved, and with people I really like, so no need to be a jerk.
I think I was really repressed in college, and everything I held in just came tumbling out of me unchecked when I drank -- that's probably part of the reason I did drink, so I could get it out there and have some cover. My college friend Sarah always saw through that phenomenon (not so much with me, because I didn't have any beef with Sarah; my mantra with her when I was drunk was, "You're Sarah Smith, and you're AWESOME," for whatever reason), and she regularly noted that a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
I'm still a little repressed, and I'd probably have a whole lot to say if I got trashed and started playing drinking games at my office holiday party, but for the most part, I'm happy to be beyond that, to be comfortable with who I am and with my friends. Which is not to say I'm above throwing several cocktails back or acting like an idiot with my friends, but there's a different, less desperate vibe to it these days.
I think I'm fixated on this in part because I'm reading Pledged at Minnams's recommendation, following reading Prep, which reminded me more of my college experience than my high school days. And I think it was a really trying, stressful, painful time, and I'm glad to have it behind me, and that I'm somewhat less of an asshole today than I was back then.
1 Comments:
You're a lovely person. I'm the one who spent most of Sunday afternoon as the a-hole who couldn't remember when to clear the board.
By
hyb, at 3:18 PM
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