Threshold questions

The other day at lunch, one of my co-workers was talking about a hugely unsuccessful blind date she'd had the weekend before. The first deal-breaker? The guy asked her what she's "passionate" about, and she thought that was a weird, high-pressure kind of question unsuitable for a first date.

I think that might be a little harsh, but who am I to judge? All of us around the table admitted to having at least a couple of threshold questions and/or qualities for potential mates: wrong answer, and you're out the window.

On a few of these, there was agreement: the women unanimously agreed that long and/or dirty fingernails, as well as dirty ears, would be immediate disqualifiers. Compatible smoking, drinking and drug use attitudes and behaviors are a requirement, and we were fairly consistent that we'd want to date someone who reads books(although the blind date woman pointed out that the response, "I'm more interested in newspapers and magazines, so I can stay current," is also acceptable).

And then came the more detailed, bizarro personal preferences that are probably the reason behind that "there's someone for everybody" logic. I had heard a few minutes of a radio call-in show earlier in the week with this same sort of question; one caller said all he cared about was that a woman be interested in fishing, know how to gut the fish she caught, and not try to change him. Which can be a tall order.

Before I started dating the Smelmooo, I got lots of puzzled looks about my threshold criteria: He has to give blood; he has to vote; he has to appreciate Waiting for Godot.

It turns out, actually, that the Smelmooo does not appreciate Waiting for Godot; he'd never read it before I met him, and I don't think he made it all the way through when I lent him my beat-up copy. But he'd made an effort, and we generally clicked and had the same sensibilities about things, and he knocked it out of the park on the other two criteria, so I got over the Waiting for Godot thing, and I'm so glad I did. And maybe I'd have similarly rationalized political apathy or a fear of needles, but I'm glad I didn't have to.

Anyway, Minnams said she could never date a picky eater, someone who wasn't a foodie. And I turned to her, somewhat wounded, and pointed out that I'm a terribly picky eater, and she said, "I know, honey. I'd never date you."

Which was a little bit crushing for a second, that my straight, happily married female co-worker wouldn't date me, another happily married straight woman. But it's somehow akin to my awareness that my brother and his wife probably wouldn't want to be friends with me if we weren't related, and that even their kids would probably be too cool for me if the family ties didn't bind us.

So there you have it: I'm off the short list of anyone whose threshold questions are designed to rule out neediness and neurosis.