Narcissistic + Stinky = Sexy

Work and life have been crazy-busy during the last few weeks, and as a result I've fallen behind on my magazine-reading. I'm always behind on my New Yorkers, but somehow -- between my schedule and huge delays in getting two of the last three issues -- I feel way behind on People, as well.

So I just finished the Kenny Chesney issue this weekend, and then decided I should read this week's (the Spears-Federline family) before going back and reading last week's, the Sexiest Man Alive issue, with Matthew McConaughey taking this year's title.

Okay. I've always sort of liked Matthew McConaughey, even though that the whole naked bongo incident was a little weird, but we've all had our moments. But he has that sort of devilish charm, and even in fairly crappy movies like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, he's awfully likeable, like when he and Kate Hudson are playing Bullshit.

But in this People spread? I hated just about everything about him. He seems so in love with himself. There was a complete-the-sentence section that includes the following:

"When I look in the mirror, I see....my best friend."

I hope he means Penelope, like that they brush their teeth side-by-side in the morning or something, but I somehow I don't think that's it (besides, he points out that he always brushes his teeth in the shower, which reminds me of something Vanna White said a million years ago, that a shower is the best makeshift WaterPic. I know; I'm a weirdo).

"A man should smell like....a man. I haven't used deodorant in 20 years."

What is it about stinky celebrities? But now it all makes sense that Brad Pitt was named Sexiest Man Alive twice. But do you think that Matthew maybe thought that the interviewer posed this question in the same way that people say, "Would you like a Tic-Tac?"? Again, I'm guessing not.

And perhaps my favorite:
"Women can't say no when I..." "...really mean yes."

Is his publicist going ballistic, or is this the image that they actually want to put out there? This is not a rhetorical question.

Also in this issue of People was a series of American Express ads that are basically Playboy Playmate questionnaires filled in by celebrities. And the one that Tiger Woods did made me think no more and no less of him -- most of his answers had to do with golf (favorite movie: Caddyshack; wildest dream: winning the Masters, or whatever tournament), but they didn't make him sound conceited or weird or anything that goes against the Tiger Woods brand.

I'm not sure what the Ken Wanatabe brand is, I guess, but his questionnaire made me think that he's a little skittish about revealing the true Ken. Which is fine, and I suspect he was trying to project the "I'm so blessed, and I can't include anything that would suggest I'm an ingrate," but also the, "I don't want to alienate anyone who might question my choices." So he totally dodges practically every question: "favorite memory: too many to name..."; "favorite movie: too many to choose from." Come on!! If you're gonna do the ad, throw us a bone and pick one, for pete's sake. Or give two or three movies -- there's room. But it's like those "All about me" surveys that people forward around on email...if you're not into it, I don't want to read it. Peeps or Cadbury Cream Eggs, dammit -- I don't care which you pick, but tell me something.

It might be a good thing I'm not renewing my subscription next year, because I just get way too riled up about these things...