What I learned on my summer vacation: Day One

Sunday, June 25

-- Delaware is the largest state in the nation. Okay, fine, maybe not technically, but when its main throughway is closed and the guy directing traffic says, “Just turn ’round and go right at the light and then you’ll come to a parallel dual highway”? Delaware is bigger than New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland and Virginia combined.

-- Going to the grocery store at 8:45p.m. on a Sunday is an excellent way to avoid the crowds in a huge tourist area where most weeklong rentals run Sunday through Sunday. Unfortunately, it’s also an excellent way to find a grocery store -- a 20-minute drive one-way, of course, from the house -- that has been emptied of the following items: marshmallows, chicken breasts, butter, any ice cream not covered in a 2-inch layer of frost.

-- My sister and I can laugh hysterically for 20 minutes over absolutely nothing, and it makes her husband get very quiet and uncomfortable, which makes us laugh even harder.

-- My dad really, really prides himself on the “two-buck Chuck” wine he got at Trader Joe’s. As he should; it was really tasty; much better than the Boone’s Farm I got for two bucks from the MobilMart in college.

-- There seems to be a competition along Route 13 South for dirtiest billboards and/or town names. I wish I’d been quicker with the camera, because I could’ve had at least half a dozen “found porn” submissions for whatever Stuff/Maxim/FHM/etc. magazine runs it.

-- Even after a good 15 years, and a modestly revised version of the game, my Super Mario skills are in adequate shape, although I remember very few of the secrets, like how to get to all of those high-flying question-mark boxes after going down the hidden tube.

-- I find Augusten Burroughs hilarious. I picked up “Possible Side Effects” at the library yesterday, and I read the first two chapters in the same room as my mom, and I was just giggling and giggling and giggling, which made her giggle and giggle and then finally go to bed because she got tired of asking, “What? What is so funny?” I wasn’t in love with “Running With Scissors,” despite all the hype and recommendations from friends, but this one is off to a great start.

-- Even though there are about 12 television sets -- half of them gigantic flat-screens –- plus a theater room in our vacation house, I still want to abide by the “no television” rule that my parents established for vacations before I was even born. Seeing my sister and brother-in-law and their three kids, tanned and exhausted from a long day in the sun, piled onto a bed reading stories together after dinner, made me appreciate that rule even more.

-- I miss the Smelmooo terribly when I’m not with him, even for a day, and I’m going to feel a big empty space for the next few days. I’m glad not to be at work, and I’m glad to be with my family, and I’m glad to hear the sound of the ocean from the balcony, but I feel lonely and not quite whole.