I'm just not that into you
It has been a heck of a few weeks. I'm tired from all of my travel; I'm stressed out from work; I'm cranky from both. I am wearing the most appropriate underpants of all time today: Oscar the Grouch on the front, with "I feel grouchy today!" across the waist band. These actually make me feel much better.
Anyway, one of the things at work that's been an annoyance, sort of, but not overly stressful, was sending out a request for proposals to work on a new project. Standard stuff: got some good proposals, some not-so-good ones, enough difference between then that everyone on the review committee agreed fairly easily on the right choice. So yay.
And then, the task of calling everyone to let them know the outcome. Boo.
I suck at this. More than that, I panic and sweat and feel like I need to do a shot before I dial. And I guess, really, I don't have to get all worked up about it; I could, really, just send a letter or an email or something and be done with it. But I feel like, if they put forth the effort to send a proposal -- even one I think was really crappy -- I at least owe them the courtesy of a phone call to give them some feedback if they're interested. But, ugh, the knot in my stomach, and the huge bolus of anxiety.
Sometimes, the firms appreciate it that I do take the time to call and offer feedback. One of them today sent me an email thanking me for my "lovely message" (I used to have a strict policy against breaking up with a firm by voicemail, but today I just couldn't face the prospect of phone tag). But it has happened that the person gets incredibly defensive or angry; disses the firm we picked; argues that, no, they do have the best experience and ideas, and boy are we making a big mistake by not picking them (please note: this is among the best ways to get yourself excised from my shortlist for future projects).
I think I find this so hard because I just want to be liked; I'm just glad I got them all out of the way, finally.
Minnams pointed out to me today (in addition to pointing out that I haven't posted in a dog's age) that I give subtle clues about how I want to be treated. For example, Minnams is perceptive and sensitive enough to recognize that perhaps my issues related to food and germs might somehow spill over into a weirdness about personal space. She is quite right about this. Again, though, she pointed out that not everyone can make those links, or has the same feelings I do about personal space, so I think she had only limited sympathy when my boss made me give her a hug. Give my boss a hug, not Minnams.
Basically, this boss is usually very much an in-your-face, send-a-million-emails-a-day, let's-sit-down-and-talk-this-out, rah-rah, go-team-go kind of person. She has unparalleled energy, and it's often exhausting to me to try to keep up with her and her excitement over every new idea (but I also kind of like her for it, and have enormous respect for her because she works at least as hard as she expects us to -- she's one of those rare leader/doer combinations that I appreciate). But lately, like the rest of us, she's been totally stressed out and pulled in a million directions, and I've gotten like 5 emails from her total in the last five days, when usually it's closer to five an hour.
So I was growing concerned about this, and I saw her today for the first time since Tuesday, and I asked how she's doing, and she gave me the "Fine. Fine." and I said okay, I just wanted to check in to make sure she's okay. And she stopped, told me how her husband and her dog treat her so well that she's able to keep it all together, and then she gestured for me to stand up and go for the hug. "Thank you for your concern, so much." Which, awww, nice, but also, the sincere verbal thank you would have been sufficient.
I have issues, I think.
My other boss, meanwhile, has told me that the best way to get through this crappy time of too much work and too few resources is, essentially, to embrace mediocrity. Which initially sounded like a good solution to me, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I'm hardwired not to agree with that philosophy. I agree -- and have completely embraced during my tenure here -- that one can't always be a perfectionist, and that it's debilitating to sacrifice the good in favor of the perfect, but for my boss to support actively the notion that I half-ass it at my job? A little unsettling.
The Smelmooo and I, now that we are finally in the same place, have committed to spending the weekend just with ourselves and the puppy, and I couldn't be happier about that. Yes, I've also been lacking a social life lately and have allowed entirely too much time to pass between visits with other friends, but on this beautiful fall weekend, I am all about sticking close to home with my little family. Which makes me much less grouchy.
Anyway, one of the things at work that's been an annoyance, sort of, but not overly stressful, was sending out a request for proposals to work on a new project. Standard stuff: got some good proposals, some not-so-good ones, enough difference between then that everyone on the review committee agreed fairly easily on the right choice. So yay.
And then, the task of calling everyone to let them know the outcome. Boo.
I suck at this. More than that, I panic and sweat and feel like I need to do a shot before I dial. And I guess, really, I don't have to get all worked up about it; I could, really, just send a letter or an email or something and be done with it. But I feel like, if they put forth the effort to send a proposal -- even one I think was really crappy -- I at least owe them the courtesy of a phone call to give them some feedback if they're interested. But, ugh, the knot in my stomach, and the huge bolus of anxiety.
Sometimes, the firms appreciate it that I do take the time to call and offer feedback. One of them today sent me an email thanking me for my "lovely message" (I used to have a strict policy against breaking up with a firm by voicemail, but today I just couldn't face the prospect of phone tag). But it has happened that the person gets incredibly defensive or angry; disses the firm we picked; argues that, no, they do have the best experience and ideas, and boy are we making a big mistake by not picking them (please note: this is among the best ways to get yourself excised from my shortlist for future projects).
I think I find this so hard because I just want to be liked; I'm just glad I got them all out of the way, finally.
Minnams pointed out to me today (in addition to pointing out that I haven't posted in a dog's age) that I give subtle clues about how I want to be treated. For example, Minnams is perceptive and sensitive enough to recognize that perhaps my issues related to food and germs might somehow spill over into a weirdness about personal space. She is quite right about this. Again, though, she pointed out that not everyone can make those links, or has the same feelings I do about personal space, so I think she had only limited sympathy when my boss made me give her a hug. Give my boss a hug, not Minnams.
Basically, this boss is usually very much an in-your-face, send-a-million-emails-a-day, let's-sit-down-and-talk-this-out, rah-rah, go-team-go kind of person. She has unparalleled energy, and it's often exhausting to me to try to keep up with her and her excitement over every new idea (but I also kind of like her for it, and have enormous respect for her because she works at least as hard as she expects us to -- she's one of those rare leader/doer combinations that I appreciate). But lately, like the rest of us, she's been totally stressed out and pulled in a million directions, and I've gotten like 5 emails from her total in the last five days, when usually it's closer to five an hour.
So I was growing concerned about this, and I saw her today for the first time since Tuesday, and I asked how she's doing, and she gave me the "Fine. Fine." and I said okay, I just wanted to check in to make sure she's okay. And she stopped, told me how her husband and her dog treat her so well that she's able to keep it all together, and then she gestured for me to stand up and go for the hug. "Thank you for your concern, so much." Which, awww, nice, but also, the sincere verbal thank you would have been sufficient.
I have issues, I think.
My other boss, meanwhile, has told me that the best way to get through this crappy time of too much work and too few resources is, essentially, to embrace mediocrity. Which initially sounded like a good solution to me, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I'm hardwired not to agree with that philosophy. I agree -- and have completely embraced during my tenure here -- that one can't always be a perfectionist, and that it's debilitating to sacrifice the good in favor of the perfect, but for my boss to support actively the notion that I half-ass it at my job? A little unsettling.
The Smelmooo and I, now that we are finally in the same place, have committed to spending the weekend just with ourselves and the puppy, and I couldn't be happier about that. Yes, I've also been lacking a social life lately and have allowed entirely too much time to pass between visits with other friends, but on this beautiful fall weekend, I am all about sticking close to home with my little family. Which makes me much less grouchy.
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