You, Kelly, are of no help!
So I'm not a big letter-writer. I mean that less in the writing-letters-to-friends-and-family way (I suck at that, too, but I have kept to the letter -- heh-heh -- of the 101 in 1001 task of writing Jenny a letter a month while she's in Africa, because she was in the States for part of July, so sending one only in August is passable, I think, although not in line with the spirit of the item. Anyway....) than in the "disgruntled or incredibly satisfied customer" way. I often say I'm going to write a letter when I have especially good service, because I figure people mostly write to complain, but only rarely do I do it, largely because I figure the recipient will expect some sort of ulterior motive).
I did write a letter to Fight Back with David Horowitz when I was a kid (which I feel like I've written about before, but couldn't find it, so maybe not), because I was positive that the scratch-off game on Thomas's English muffins was a scam, but otherwise, I'm fairly letter-averse. And I twice wrote to Netflix about crappy service, but I'm reluctant to send additional notes with idle threats. Really, I'm not inclined to switch to Blockbuster, and I've told them twice about the problem, and they've basically said, "oh well; sorry; can't do much about it," so why write again?
The Smelmooo, on the other hand, is a big letter-writer, and I'm pretty sure he wishes I were, too. He's good at the letter-writing, and almost always gets results -- free meals at restaurants, free nights at a hotel, whatever -- but he doesn't abuse it or kick up a big fuss over nothing. But I'm so conflict-avoidant that it's just not usually worth it to me.
But today, I decided that I've really had enough of this nonsense from Doritos and they're "Now Better Tasting!" claim on the nacho cheesier variety, which is a load of baloney. They are the exact opposite of better tasting now, and I'd like the old ones back, please. The Smelmooo knows that the best way for me actually to write a letter is, when I muse aloud, "I oughta write a letter," to respond with, "Right. You never write a letter."
Which is how it played out today, but I'm too lazy and cheap to write an actual letter, and too cowardly to call the toll-free number, so I figured I'd go to the web site and leave a comment.
What I got was Kelly, who the corporate folks at Frito Lay ultimately describe, if you click through far enough, as not a real person, but a computer program. Our Q&A went thusly:
Q: Dear Kelly, are we forever stuck with "Now Better Tasting!" nacho cheese Doritos? I disagree that they're better tasting than the original variety. Please bring 'em back!!
Thanks,
Tangent Woman
A: The enzymes used for the cheese in Frito-Lay snacks are NOT from an animal source. The enzymes are made in a lab for use in food. These lab-produced enzymes replace rennet, rennin or pepsin which come from animals. Many commercial cheeses used as a food ingredient are no longer made from an animal source.
Uh, okay. Good to know. I'm sure the vegans are thrilled, but that was so not my question. So I simplified, hoping that with fewer extraneous words, I'd get a more appropriate response:
Q: Now Better Tasting?
A: I really appreciate your wanting to share your suggestion with us, but we do not accept ideas for legal reasons. We do not want any misunderstandings over the origin of an idea such as yours. Frito-Lay's Marketing teams are responsible for developing all new advertisements and promotions.
Well, Kelly, may I suggest that your marketing teams knock it off with the false advertising, and your web team come up with some sort of program that actually provides suitable answers to consumers' questions?
A: For more information, please look at the links I've displayed.
-- I was offended by the ad. (sorry; not our intention; we'll pass that along)
-- When did the Frito Bandito retire? (1970)
-- When was the Frito Bandito introduced? (1968)
-- I would like you to advertise on my site. (I'm flattered that you thought of us, but we currently have all of our advertising in place. But thanks for checking!)
-- Why don't you advertise with more minorities? (see answer to my second question, above).
No help. I may need to write a letter.
I did write a letter to Fight Back with David Horowitz when I was a kid (which I feel like I've written about before, but couldn't find it, so maybe not), because I was positive that the scratch-off game on Thomas's English muffins was a scam, but otherwise, I'm fairly letter-averse. And I twice wrote to Netflix about crappy service, but I'm reluctant to send additional notes with idle threats. Really, I'm not inclined to switch to Blockbuster, and I've told them twice about the problem, and they've basically said, "oh well; sorry; can't do much about it," so why write again?
The Smelmooo, on the other hand, is a big letter-writer, and I'm pretty sure he wishes I were, too. He's good at the letter-writing, and almost always gets results -- free meals at restaurants, free nights at a hotel, whatever -- but he doesn't abuse it or kick up a big fuss over nothing. But I'm so conflict-avoidant that it's just not usually worth it to me.
But today, I decided that I've really had enough of this nonsense from Doritos and they're "Now Better Tasting!" claim on the nacho cheesier variety, which is a load of baloney. They are the exact opposite of better tasting now, and I'd like the old ones back, please. The Smelmooo knows that the best way for me actually to write a letter is, when I muse aloud, "I oughta write a letter," to respond with, "Right. You never write a letter."
Which is how it played out today, but I'm too lazy and cheap to write an actual letter, and too cowardly to call the toll-free number, so I figured I'd go to the web site and leave a comment.
What I got was Kelly, who the corporate folks at Frito Lay ultimately describe, if you click through far enough, as not a real person, but a computer program. Our Q&A went thusly:
Q: Dear Kelly, are we forever stuck with "Now Better Tasting!" nacho cheese Doritos? I disagree that they're better tasting than the original variety. Please bring 'em back!!
Thanks,
Tangent Woman
A: The enzymes used for the cheese in Frito-Lay snacks are NOT from an animal source. The enzymes are made in a lab for use in food. These lab-produced enzymes replace rennet, rennin or pepsin which come from animals. Many commercial cheeses used as a food ingredient are no longer made from an animal source.
Uh, okay. Good to know. I'm sure the vegans are thrilled, but that was so not my question. So I simplified, hoping that with fewer extraneous words, I'd get a more appropriate response:
Q: Now Better Tasting?
A: I really appreciate your wanting to share your suggestion with us, but we do not accept ideas for legal reasons. We do not want any misunderstandings over the origin of an idea such as yours. Frito-Lay's Marketing teams are responsible for developing all new advertisements and promotions.
Well, Kelly, may I suggest that your marketing teams knock it off with the false advertising, and your web team come up with some sort of program that actually provides suitable answers to consumers' questions?
A: For more information, please look at the links I've displayed.
-- I was offended by the ad. (sorry; not our intention; we'll pass that along)
-- When did the Frito Bandito retire? (1970)
-- When was the Frito Bandito introduced? (1968)
-- I would like you to advertise on my site. (I'm flattered that you thought of us, but we currently have all of our advertising in place. But thanks for checking!)
-- Why don't you advertise with more minorities? (see answer to my second question, above).
No help. I may need to write a letter.
2 Comments:
Yeah right... you won't write a letter.
By
Smelmooo, at 5:37 PM
I'm with you, tried the new Doritos and while not bad...definitely NOT better tasting. What the hell? Why mess with perfection? I think you should write a letter, in fact maybe you'll even inspire me to do the same ;)
-Leslie
By
Anonymous, at 7:18 PM
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